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It Depends On Your Definition Of “Opt-In”
Published by Tech Spoofs | Filed under The Truth Is Out There
With all the hubbub over Facebook Beacon, we thought it was time to finally release our hard hitting coverage of the event from the 6th. Our Interns mostly slept through the conference, but in hindsight a few of the notes that they took were pretty telling. For example, this one between Mark Zuckerberg and a Coke advertising executive that was in attendance.
Coke Advertising Executive: …So Mark, it seems likely that the public will be less than happy with a system that allows you to see what they are purchasing and broadcast it to their friends.
Mark Zuckerberg: Public? Oh yea, them. Yea, they might be pissed.
Coke Advertising Executive: And I assume that you have thought this through, correct? That people won’t want to be broad-sided by this like they were by News Feeds.
Mark Zuckerberg: Yea, our Facebot Turing Oracle says that about 67% will have negative feelings about it.
Coke Advertising Executive: Turing…Oracle?
Mark Zuckerberg: Nevermind that. What are you getting at?
Coke Advertising Executive: Well, we would feel a lot more comfortable if the system was Opt-In. You can guarantee that you won’t be running off with user information without telling them, right?
Mark Zuckerberg: Users? Damn, yea them. Yea, sure. Opt-In all the way. We’re all over that.
Coke Advertising Executive: Alright Mark. I am sure you have things under control.
Twenty minutes and three hidden recording devices later in the Facebot Artificial Intelligence Research lab . . .
Matt Hicks: Mark man, you know Beacon isn’t Opt-In . . .
Mark Zuckerberg: You don’t get anything about business do you Matt?
Matt: What do you mean?
Mark: Opt-In means that we let them Opt-Out. Who the hell do you think would actually Opt-In to this crap. Even I think it’s pretty creepy.
Matt: OK Mark, but do you think the public is going to see it that way?
Mark: Public?
Matt: Nevermind…
[Our Intern couldn’t pick up anymore information as his presence in the lab had been predicted hours before by Facebot. He was quickly apprehended and is currently being held by Facebook. A prisoner exchange is in the works. ]
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