LinkedIn, We’ve Talked About This…

Published by Tech Spoofs | Filed under On The Couch

I’m glad you decided to come back LinkedIn. I know things have been hard on you since F8. The feelings of insecurity are only natural. Being the Jan Brady of the social networking family has to take its toll on you.

No, please, no more tears. We have been through this. Good, good. It will all be OK.

What I really wanted to discuss with you was your new “addition”. Trust me when I say this, everyone can see right through you. When Facebook went out and got Super Poke and Zombie Tag and everyone thought he was just so cool, it was just a matter of time — wasn’t it?

Don’t look at me like that. I am trying to help.

You don’t have to try so hard. Your real friends love you LinkedIn. Just because all those mean folks in the blogosphere don’t remember you from a hole in the wall, doesn’t mean that you have to act out like this.

But to be honest. I can be honest with you, right? Good.

To be honest, user photos? Come on now. Facebook is tattooed from head to toe with applications and MySpace has a bloody news service and you thought an 80×80 would make you cool again? I hate to put this out there, but maybe you could cut loose just a bit? I hate bread crusts as much as the next world renowned, noble laureate psychotherapist, but when was the last time I cried over a pastrami sandwich?

I know I promised not to bring that up again, but this is for your own good.

LinkedIn, be who you are. There is no point in trying so hard to be “cool”. People will respect you for your maturity, and when Facebook is gambling away his last shilling you will be sitting pretty in a Manhattan office having an illicit affair with your secretary.

Feel better? Good, good. Wait, before you leave. Next time you decide to waste my time with something this stupid — I’m going to kick you in the throat. No, I’m serious…

See you next week, pay Sarah on the way out!

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